Men and Women – Equal Until They’re Not

Wink’d wants to talk about two things today: unequal dating and ugly bodies.

Good, non-grotesque men? Absolutely. Wink'd Launch Party

According to an article Wink’d read this week, men are angry. Very, very angry. Men go through the first quarter of their lives being told that equality is the name of the game. Women share in all things: the gym, schooling, career opportunities.

Go women’s rights.

Only, the article continued, equality stops when there’s dating.

Women want to be treated like princesses. They don’t want to equally split the bill; they want men to pay. Men should approach. Men should initiate. As a result, men are confused, angry, frustrated. They are reverting into eternal bachelors and angry singles.

Over at Good Men Project, the divide between men and women was approached in a slightly different way. Why is it, they ask, that the bodies of women are portrayed as beautiful things, whereas the bodies of men are seen as ugly? Why this divide? Why is one delicate and soft and the other grotesque and frightening? This difference results in all sorts of complex emotions, including – as the Good Men most reasonably note – a feeling of physical inferiority by men.

Great. So now men are single. Angry. And lacking body confidence.

Only… Wink’d knows quite a lot of happy singles, men and women both. There are folks that celebrate being bachelors, that enjoy the art of dating and flirting, that want to mix and mingle in a playful fashion. Some of these singles are searching, certainly, for Miss/Mister Right – but the search is fun, not bitter.

To test the theory of angry men, Wink’d hunted down friends and accosted them with questions of dating.

“Why are you so ANGRY?” We demanded of a tall blonde Swede who does mixed martial arts in his spare time. “Do you want us to tell you? You’re angry because women want you to pick up the bill.”

“…I’m not angry.”

“It doesn’t bother you that women want you to pick up the bill?”

“No,” he responded, grinning. “I like it. You get to be a gentleman and do something nice for her, show her she’s special.”

“Then you feel ugly because the female form is widely accepted as beautiful,” we argued.

“Women are beautiful. Doesn’t mean I feel grotesque.”

Another friend pointed to classic art. Look at statues. Look at paintings. Heck, look at the number of nipples and nakedness in London like the Londonist recently did (115 female to 143 male, if you’re curious). The male body is beautiful in its own strong way, a way of sharp lines and deep curves, powerful arches, strength.

So what do you think?

Are you angry? Does the ‘men pick up the tab’ thing bother you? Do you find the male body beautiful? Do you feel attractive?

Let us know. We’re curious.



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Beer, Wine, Milk? The Perfect First Date Drink.

“I hate it when a girl orders beer on a first date.” We were at lunch, and one Wink’d friend said this to another, frowning into his plate of mushy peas.


“I think it’s laddish.”

Wink'd Launch Party at Valmont Club


“What?” Exclaimed another friend, a girl, looking up with a laugh and a scowl. “That is sexist. That doesn’t make sense.”


“You wouldn’t like it if I ordered a strawberry daiquiri,” the man responded. “Isn’t that right?”


All this talk of first date drinks got us here at Wink’d wondering: What are the rules for drinking on dates? Not the ‘don’t-drink-too-much, keep-your-head’ rules, but the ‘this-will-make-me-appear-in-an-unpleasant-light rules.’


Like it or not, people judge. Wink’d could sit back and tell you that those who care don’t matter, (because really, it is just a drink after all), but we want to increase your chances of dating success, According to the folks at Dumb Little Man, drinks are the most common type of date these days. Dinner is so 1999. Wink’d doesn’t want romance to end at step one because of a frothy pint or sticky margarita.


So Wink’d went investigating.


Here’s what we found.


Women, don’t order a pint. In a very official poll of 11 men, all but one found ordering a pint to be unattractive. It was termed as ‘laddish,’ ‘deliberate,’ ‘over-thought’ or simply ‘unfeminine.’


“What if I like beer?” Demanded one Wink’d friend, a very dainty lil lady herself.


“Save it for later. For once I know you.”


Apparently we’re not the only one to have found this. Google First Date. Google Drinks. You’ll find dozens of posts about the No-Beer-First-Date rule. Or just take our word for it.


Men, don’t order sugar. Through an equally as official poll of various women, a theme emerged: beer was fine, hard liquors just lovely, but sugary, frilly, ruffly drinks?


“There’s nothing sexy about a man ordering a Cosmopolitan.”


So put down that daiquiri, Mister. They’re best saved for open-air hot beach holidays.


No one should order milk on a first date. Ever. We love milk. We love dunking cookies in milk. But romance, at least first date romance, brooks no room for milk.


“I don’t want to see a girl with a milk moustache,” said Wink’d friend. Not even during Movember/No-shave-November.


So what SHOULD you order? Wine. Wine wine wine. Let’s say this again. Wine.


Without fail, wine seems to be the universally accepted date drink. It’s sexy and sophisticated, casual and romantic, intriguingly coloured and good for conversation. You can swirl it, sniff it, hold the rim of the glass to your lips while making eyes at your date. You can pick a bottle and not look foolish, or ask the waiter to pick you a bottle and equally shine with confidence.


White wine, red wine, just wine.


Other Date Contenders: The verdict was out on hard liquor. Wink’d study participants seemed torn.


“It could be quite hot if a girl knew about different whiskeys or such,” said one friend. “Really hot.”


“Or it could mean the guy wants to get really drunk, really fast,” argued a Wink’d ladyfriend. “And how does that bode for the date?”


Good question.


So now we bring it to you: What do you think? What drinks do YOU order on the first date? Tell us. We’re curious.


Now excuse us while we go drink some milk.

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Women and Pancakes – The unusual version

Yesterday was Pancake Day. It was also International Women’s Day.

Ladies from our launch party

In celebration of both these, Wink’d wants to discuss two of its favourite things: amazing women and amazing piles of warm, flavourful, delicious, syrup-coated bread.


First, amazing women.


What makes an amazing woman? Is it confidence, strength, delicate sensuality or tender habits? Is it the bold willingness to drop a Wink’d card in a martini glass (…not that we know from experience ;D ) or to say yes to a proposed date?


Is it the bravery to have all sorts of delightful liaisons and write about it, a la Sex at Oxbridge blogger? Or to raise two darling children in a happy marriage while cooking each and every day, like the mum at Peas and Thank You?


Here at Wink’d, we like them all.


Why don’t you tell us what you think? What makes an amazing woman?


Second, amazing pancakes.


In America, they’re big and fluffy. In England, they’re thin and stuffed. In France, they sell them on the streetcorners, dripping warm bits of melted Nutella and fragrant banana.


Savoury or sweet, big or bigger, pancakes are pretty much the ubiquitous comfort food.


Click this link for a great recipe from the BBC, done in the classic English style.


And Third (bet you didn’t know there was a third!), Wink’d likes love. A lot. So why not mix the above two things? Cook a great meal for a special woman. Make her some pancakes. Let the love grow.


Get out there and celebrate.







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What creates attraction?

The Mystery of Attraction

One Wink’d friend spent a summer at a yoga retreat in India. Every morning she would tuck into the quiet meditation of a yoga room. Fifteen other students were there with her.

One of them was gorgeous: blonde hair, caramel skin, flexible in all sorts of interesting ways.

“But we never talked,” she told us. “I had the opportunity plenty of times. I just never wanted to.”

“He was more attractive that way, disconnected from reality.”

That got us at Wink’d wondering: What creates attraction?

Why do we notice some people and not others? What makes us pause and think, linger for that extra sip of coffee, find another way to glance over from under the cover of a newspaper?

Why do we want to pass on over a Wink’d card to one person and not someone else?

Now isn’t that a fun question…

Fortunately, we’re not the only ones trying to solve the mystery of attraction this week.

Kat over at Katrichterwrites mused on the importance of height in attractiveness. Having been sent a series of shorter men via an online dating service, Kat blogged about her frustration.

“I have always been shallow when it comes to my taller-than-me-in-heels requirement,” she wrote.

Researchers have shown that in large groups, the first thing used to narrow down potential partners is appearance. Even when men or women ranked certain traits previously (intelligence, motivation, love of salsa dancing), as numbers of potential partners increased, the importance of non-physical traits decreased.

Yet basing attractiveness on looks alone can be dangerous for unexpected reasons, another article published this week suggests. Apparently, when a woman is more attractive than her man, the relationship tends to end poorly and quickly.

And when the man is more attractive? The relationship keeps going along just fine.

Maybe the secret to attraction is just having fewer choices. A British study recently showed that when speed daters had more options, they found less love. Fewer choices amounted in better results.

Guess there can be too much of a good thing.

“For me,” explained one strapping Wink’d friend, “I notice girls who laugh a lot. I like that humour. I like when they’re playful.”

What about you? What do you think? We’re curious. Is it physical? A voice, a laugh, a way of dressing? Tell us what makes you attracted to someone in the comments below. Don’t be shy.

We like confidence. And beautiful yoga gurus.

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The Lies People Tell for Love

It’s no surprise that at Wink’d, we like romance.

We are all about romance.

Sample Wink'd Card

But what about the lies we tell for romance? Recently we at Wink’d read an interesting article: ‘The lies people tell in Online Dating’.

Apparently, people lie about their height. Guys and girls both claim to be two inches taller than they actually are.

People lie about their income. Folks are 20% poorer than they claim to be.

As for photos? You’ve probably guessed this, but the more attractive the image, the older/more out-of-date it most likely is.

To summarize, people say they’re taller, wealthier, younger and more attractive, all through the great mystery that is the World Wide Web.

This isn’t just something people do online. Personally, we can think of a number of times people have twisted the truth to impress someone of the opposite sex.

Take one girl we know. She plays sports. But she doesn’t like watching sports. She doesn’t even understand the rules in football, both American and non-American types.

But she once told a guy that she loved, loved watching sports. He was tall and gorgeous and athletically charming.

Only then he wanted to watch sports with her. All. The. Time.

Lies and romance don’t really go together. Whether on or offline, the moment of truth must eventually come. When it comes to online dating, this often happens at the first meeting. You arrive and find out that Miss Right is a slight bit different than her photo suggested, or that Mr. Tall and Fit is really Mr. SuitedForJockeying. Neither is bad (jockeys? nice!), but both are different from what you may have been led to believe. When offline, the romance happens as you get to know each other better. Initial fibs disintegrate. The truth comes out.

That girl we know could only watch so many episodes of basketball before she hung her head in her hand with shame and admitted that she, indeed, had no idea who the Red Sox were and can’t they change the channel now?

At Wink’d, we’re trying to make it easier for you to be who you are – and to find someone who likes you for exactly that very thing.

Let’s consider some of the issues related directly to online dating: the temptation to describe your physical self in a taller/younger/fitter light, the mistrust of how others describe themselves… How do you know that the woman or man at the other end of the screen is truly who they say they are? More importantly, how do you know you’ll connect?

With Wink’d, you don’t go online and then meet someone. You meet them first – at a cafe, or in a bar, or going up the elevator. Your eyes catch and a spark tingles, an initial attraction that makes you catch your breath.

See? Romance.

That’s when the card is traded off, and –then– the online stuff happens. Not before.  And at Wink’d, we bring this online stuff directly to you wherever you are, whenever you are, with our mobile features.

This way, we love-searchers can get the romance without the lies… the prince, sans frog. And this way we’ll find someone who loves us for who we are, not who we claim to be.

For that girl, this means finding someone that’s fine with the fact she’d rather wander the countryside than watch another football match. For you, it might mean finding a guy who likes your petite frame, or a gal who enjoys your tendency to laugh loudly and frequently.

How about you? What is the funniest, most unexpected, most delightful or most awful lie you’ve experienced romantically, whether you were the one telling it, or the one receiving it? Let us know in the comments below.

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The Art of Wink’ing

So you’ve finally figured out what Wink’d is.  It’s a fun, savvy social card that lets you make new connections with strangers you want to meet but want to find another way to approach.  (You can find out more by checking out!)

Sample Wink'd Cards

You can now order your own deck of Wink’d cards through the website, and to help you get started on using them, here are 6 tips to get you Wink’ing!

  1. Look around you. In any given day, chances are that you’ll come across someone who you’re attracted to.  But it means taking a moment to stop listening to your iPod in the tube, or looking up from the ground as you’re walking down the street – and paying attention to the people that pass you by.  You live in a city of nearly 8 million people!  Take some time to look around you and you’ll be surprised by who you’ll notice.
  2. Get a first impression. Find someone you’re intrigued by?  Take a few seconds to get a first impression.  Does that person come off as quiet and thoughtful?  Or confident and outgoing?  Does that person seem like someone who’d enjoy a good laugh, or a bit of a tease – or perhaps someone who appreciates total boldness?
  3. Decide on your own first impression. On the other hand, what kind of first impression do you want to make?  Do you want to come off as playful, or mysterious, or someone who is totally confident and not afraid to (sorry for the pun!) put all your cards on the table?  We have Wink’d cards with messages that can make any kind of first impression that you want to make.
  4. Tailor your Winks to your surroundings. At a restaurant?  “I have a reservation for 2 for Friday under your name.”  In the gym?  “Let’s warm up together.”  At a bar?  “I hope you don’t mind being carded.” Of course, there are plenty of different cards that you can drop off everywhere, but these are just some tailored ideas for specific places where you might be passing by!
  5. Wink with confidence. Whatever Wink you eventually decide to go with, drop it off with confidence.  So, no, don’t throw the card at the other person and immediately run away.  There’s no need to feel awkward at all.  After all, your Wink’d card is doing all the talking for you.
  6. Have fun! Last but not least – wherever you are, whoever it is that you want to connect with, and whatever first impression you want to make, don’t overthink things or take yourself too seriously, and just have fun with your Wink’d cards! It’s all about making connections with people you want to meet in a fun, novel way.

So, start dropping off those cards and stop missing out on those connections!


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Wink’d Launch Party

Wink’d hosted a smashingly successful launch party on Friday, February 11th in the Valmont Club.

Flirty Venetian masks and Wink'd Launch

Nearly 200 guests mingled, exchanged glances and swapped deep burgundy Wink’d cards. The bold and daring wore Venetian masks.


Wink'd CEO Omar Karar, CTO Ralph Stenzel and CCO Camilla Macapili

“Wink’d is better than a cocktail napkin,” said Wink’d CCO Camilla Macapili during a short talk that she and CEO Omar Karar gave on the new business.

Meanwhile, guests traded cards with one another, laughing at some of the saucier phrases: “I’m fluent in pillow talk,” “I think you dropped this,” “The next move is up to you.”

Venetian masks, anyone? Mais oui!

If you weren’t at the party, don’t worry. There will be many, many more to come.

Wink’d has all sorts of surprises.

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